respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
