just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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