How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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