she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
