its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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