Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just gargled with NyQuil
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
