yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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