Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
