why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
