Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
