it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
