so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
