Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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