Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This house was built for laser tag.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
