are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
