TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
