The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
