i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I looked at my own cervix.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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