I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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