what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Randomize
