What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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