The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Terrible idea I love it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
