I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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