Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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