I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
