handjob tips. give me some.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
