I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dick very happy bro
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
