If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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