I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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