we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
