He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
