This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
