every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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