I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize