she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
