I think I died a long time ago.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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