I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize