3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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