He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
