Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Enjoy the penises
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
