i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you mean i was at the winter classic?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
