..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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