yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
