im having a threesome with these popsicles
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize