sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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