dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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