i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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