Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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