Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
