You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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