I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
