Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just forgot I was standing up.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
