Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
