What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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