I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't deserve a penis
We have so much sex to catch up on
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
