Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
