Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
