Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize