Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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