Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
