We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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