also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
