Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
