I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We are two peas in an std pod
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize