I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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