If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
