I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This toilet bowl is my home.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
