Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think people are normalizing furries
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
