you have to choose: penises or morals?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
