the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize