you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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