I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize