you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
