im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
