I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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