The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
