We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
