it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
