Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
