I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize