Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
